 Earlier this week, the Today Show had a guest historian who was discussing COVID-19 and the ongoing pandemic. The historian was asked to put the pandemic in a historical context. She explained that when we look back on major events in history, such as the Great Depression and World War I and II, we can see how the stories ended. We can see the beginning, the middle and the end. We can see the resolve and the healing afterwards. We see how they were able to survive, learn from their struggles and make progress. The challenge now is that we are in the story at this very moment. We do not know how long this pandemic will go on for or what the end result will be. And that is hard. The historian explained that many historical figures remark how they would have been unable to get through those challenging times had they known how hard it would be.
I found this comforting. To trust that there will be an end, that we will get through this pandemic and upon reflection, recognize our strength and resiliency. History is proof of that. There will be challenging times ahead. We must let go of the timeline and continue to become comfortable with the unknown. We are all so much stronger than we think and I believe this year is proof of that.
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 Hello everyone! Please check out my video on Welnys TV about overcoming the stigma associated with asking for help. You can use the code above for a free 30 day trial.  There are very little words I have right now. We have witnessed domestic terrorism on our nation's capitol, encouraged by a sitting president. I am feeling rage, horror, despair and cynicism.
These are the times when I struggle with what to do and how to offer support. What I can offer at this time is the encouragement I give to anyone that has just experienced trauma (because that is what this is, whether you were directly impacted or witnessed it on television). Take care of yourself, release the emotions you are feeling. Let yourself have that big cry or scream your head off. We are human and when faced with trauma, our bodies and minds will respond. For some that could be shock and that's OK. There is no timeline for processing. But care for yourself, get support from friends and family. Remind yourself that hope is a discipline and today, even after what we have just witnessed, we can choose the discipline of hope over the ease of fear or anger.  I've been using this mantra a lot lately. Everything is temporary. Pain is temporary. Suffering is temporary. Even the wonderful moments are temporary. It's easy enough to say, but in reality our emotions make it feel like the opposite is true. When we feel bad, it feels like it will last forever. If it's bad now, that means it's going to stay bad. This is because of how uncomfortable and unpleasant these emotions feel. Our thought process tries to convince us that this time of suffering is indeed here to stay. This rings especially true now because of COVID-19. The pandemic is still going on. And it sucks. Most of us are tired and just want some sense of normalcy back. I've found that just simply reminding myself that this moment: the pandemic, this month, this day - it's all temporary. Nothing in life is permanent. On the flip side, that does mean the good stuff in our lives is also temporary. But when we are in a moment of suffering, gently reminding ourselves that there is a season to everything can ease some of the pain. Some days are wonderful and easy, others are tough and challenging. Remembering this allows us to avoid becoming consumed by our suffering. We can instead flow with the moment, and lean on some faith that it can, and will, change. Neuroscience has found that the true intensity of unpleasant emotions only lasts for a few minutes. Tough times are temporary, as well as the bad feelings that go along with them. There will come a time when the pandemic has ended and we are able to look back on it as a memory. So for now, try to flow with the change and if it feels bad, that's OK. Be sad, be pissed off. But remember that it is just a moment, not a lifetime.  "Hope is a discipline." I came across this quote from activist Brittany Packnett Cunningham and it gripped me. I've recently been saying that I am an optimist, but that I have to work at it. My natural nature is towards skepticism; that is where my baseline is. It's very easy and comfortable for me to say, "this sucks and it's never going to get better." But I've learned that this does not serve me. Optimism, hope and faith: these are all qualities that are proven to increase happiness and overall wellbeing. And what are we fighting for, whether personally or on a larger scale, if we do not have hope that it can change?
 Let's be honest, the world is crazy right now. Everything feels so unpredictable and tense. The pandemic is going on far longer than many of us anticipated. A huge portion of the country is unemployed. We've lost so many people to this virus. Anxiety feels like it's at an all-time high.
Given that, it's no wonder sleep and evening routines have been a big topic of conversation. It's so hard to rest when we feel anxious and out of control. For many people, sleep was always a challenge, even before the pandemic. Most Americans do not get the recommended hours of sleep (The CDC recommends 7 or more hours of sleep per night for adults). Some people struggle with getting restful sleep, meaning that they are able to fall and stay asleep. One of the best ways to gain a great night of sleep is to focus on having a strong nighttime routine. A nighttime routine encompasses the consistent activities before bed that encourage rest. This should be the same routine you do every night before bed, weekdays and weekends. Why every night? Our brain loves consistency, especially with sleep. You want your brain to become accustomed to this routine, so that it knows that bedtime is soon approaching. This way, your brain will begin to wind down and prepare for sleep on autopilot. Here are a few tips I recommend for a nighttime routine that will get your brain and body ready for some Zzzz's: Lower the Lights and Transition to Soft Lighting Light exposure is really important for a good night's sleep. That's why it's crucial to get enough sunlight during the day. We are daytime creatures (sorry all my night owls out there) so ideally we are supposed to be up when the sun rises and go to bed when the sun sets. Realistically, very few people do this (especially in the winter when the sun sets at 5pm, ugh). But we do want to decrease our light exposure as the evening goes on. This gives our brain the cue that bedtime is approaching. About an hour before bed, use only soft lighting like lamps (no bright fluorescents at this time). Salt lamps are awesome for giving low, relaxing lighting. Now, when we talk about lighting, there is another important recommendation - Avoid All Electronics, Including Phones and TV, 30-60 minutes Before Bed Ok, I know how frustrating this suggestion is. For many people, their phone is a crucial part of their nighttime routine. Lots of people watch a little TV before bed. But there's good reason why we should avoid electronics before bed. Our electronics give off a low lighting when they are turned on, known as blue light. As previously mentioned, light exposure is fundamental for sleep. Our brains see this blue light and think "I see light, I guess it's daytime!" This can make falling asleep tricky. Even if you are able to fall asleep, using electronics before bed impacts the quality of sleep, meaning we are not staying asleep and getting a full REM cycle. In response to this recommendation, a lot of people will say "but I have night mode on my phone" or "I wear glasses that block blue light." Yes, those are better alternatives. But we want our nighttime routine to include activities that promote rest and our minds will begin to associate with sleep. We are all on our phones during the day, pretty constantly. Engaging in an activity we do during the day before bed will further confuse our body and mind. Also, if you scroll through social media before bed, remember this: those apps were designed to keep us scrolling. They want us to stay as long as possible. This means our brains are up and engaged, the opposite of what we want before sleep. The bottom line: you don't want to stay looking at a screen. Music, podcasts, audiobooks, and meditations can all be played and then set to the side. Just avoid looking at that screen for too long. Engage In a Relaxing Activity One mistake people make before bed is that their evening ritual is too short; just hopping into bed after brushing their teeth. Think of an activity you can do that is calming. Yoga, meditation, reading, coloring, anything that relaxes you. If you choose a book, pick something that is interesting but not a page turner. A book that is super exciting will keep you wanting to read, not sleep. Same for a scary story. If you have a lot of anxiety and have a hard time falling asleep, I highly recommend journaling before bed. This gives you a place to put all of your thoughts so they don't stop you from sleeping (and if you have a great deal of worry thoughts, check out my previous post on proactive planning vs. anxiety as a journal prompt to try). I also like gratitude journals and writing down three things you are grateful for. Set the Mood For a good night sleep, the room should be slightly cool and dark. If you can't sleep in the pitch black, have a small night light with gentle lighting. Make sure there are no clocks visible (if you wake up and see the clock, your brain will start stressing about the time). The level of quiet will vary for each person. I cannot sleep in absolute quiet, so I use a sound machine. Before bed, think about playing relaxing music or calming sounds (there are lots of apps that can play these ongoing for hours). If you try these things and still cannot fall asleep, try an over-the-counter herbal sleep aid, like Valerian Root. I also recommend any sleepy time teas; a comforting, warm cup of tea can be a cozy addition to your nighttime routine. If you would like more information on sleep and getting the best rest you can, check out the book Sleep Smarter by Shawn Stevenson. Sweet dreams everybody!  My LGBTQIA Community-
Celebrate love Celebrate truth Celebrate being you  Recently, a lot of my clients have been talking about the current state of the world and feeling so overwhelmed. They feel rage, disappointment, grief, and above all, hopelessness. Hopeless because of how many problems we have, the lack of progress, and what can we do to actually create change. Many have talked about how they do not feel they can make a difference, and that their individual contribution cannot change the big picture. I've shared the following story with a few of my clients who have expressed feeling this way:
A young man is walking along the ocean and sees a beach on which thousands and thousands of starfish have washed ashore. Further along he sees an old man, walking slowly and stopping often, picking up one starfish after another and tossing each one gently into the ocean. “Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” he asks. “Because the sun is up and the tide is going out and if I don’t throw them further in they will die.” “But, old man, don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it? You can’t possibly save them all. You can’t even save one-tenth of them. In fact, even if you work all day, your efforts won’t make any difference at all.” The old man listened calmly and then bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it into the sea. “It made a difference to that one." We need policy change. We need legal reform. But individual action, compassion, advocacy and kindness will always matter. "I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word." - Martin Luther King, Jr.  I wanted to share this article from Time Out magazine that addresses several ways you can support Black Lives Matter.
www.timeout.com/things-to-do/how-to-support-black-lives-matter |